I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
