Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
