guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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