you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
