sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
