remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
