a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
