You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
