I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
