Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
