i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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