she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
