isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
