i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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