Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
