Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
