this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
