A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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