If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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