i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
