maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
