Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
