If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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