I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
