We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
