That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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