Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
