I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
false alarm, still single
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