Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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