Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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