so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
