the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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