im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize