I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The feeling are messing with the penis
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
