Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
