the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
