just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
