please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
