I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
