I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
