I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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