I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
