just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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