so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
