Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
