I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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