FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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