paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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