She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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