I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
