I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
