He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
