Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
