Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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