I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
