Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
