i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
