You made me cry and you don't even care
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
