The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I checked into jail on foursquare
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
