i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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