so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
