Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just had sex on a roof
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
