Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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