We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize