When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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