Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
