you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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