you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
