you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
COCAINE IS GR8
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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