this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm too high and old for this...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
