Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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