OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
