i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This is classic penis vs brain.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
