at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
