i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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