i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
