you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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