Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
